Your Source For Local and Regional News



Regional News

Greater Green River Intergalactic Spaceport: Aliens Welcome

Of all the communities that roam this planet and others, there is one that has been viciously ignored… until now. The residents of Green River, Wyoming, have made it their singular mission to provide support for extraterrestrial homeless aliens. With compassion and a landing strip for good measure, they wait patiently for their interstellar pen pals to land.

In 1994, a report from NASA disturbed the residents of Green River. Fragments from the Shoemaker-Levy 9 Comet were heading toward Jupiter, putting aliens at risk of losing their home planet. Of course, academic minds doubt Jupiter’s ability to harbor life in any form—it is composed mainly of hydrogen and helium, and no bodies of water have yet been discovered on its surface. However, and we believe the residents of Green River would agree, we should not put such lowly terrestrial limitations on the possibility of alien existence.

With tenacity and courage, the residents of this small town prepared their humble surroundings for the first possible intergalactic assembly of space and human folk. Really, this preparation was no more than a renaming ceremony of an existing WWII landing strip. Still, the fact that the town opened itself up to the unknown is a testament of the American spirit. But, the journey to creating the Greater Green River Intergalactic Spaceport was not without difficulties.

In the initial stages, certain Green River residents raised concerns that any effort to provide shelter to aliens would conflict with the existent lack of residential housing. But the city council persevered in establishing a spaceport at the behest of its space-loving community.

So far, the most exotic incidences that have taken place on the spaceport involve telluric doughnut-spinning teenagers running away from life’s problems. However, Green River is working with the Federal Aviation Administration to increase air traffic to the area, including commercial planes and private aircraft charters.

Efforts to draw space crafts into Green River have thus been in vain and extraterrestrials may very well be a myth. However, one thing is certain: we can count on the Earth’s first spaceport to provide a sanctuary for Jupiter’s destitute creatures.