Note: The following features information presented to 7th and 8th grade girls at SVMS. Boys were also addressed, but SVI News was unable to attend both presentations. This is a candid summary of the information covered with the girls only.

Star Valley Middle School and Star Valley High School administrators invited students and parents to attend a “Tall Truth” presentation in which Shelley Donohue, professional guest speaker, health educator and coach, candidly discussed the risks of sexual activity and other unhealthy behaviors for teen and pre-teen students. Donohue gave 4 presentations on Thursday, October 4, 2018 – one to Freshman boys and one to Freshman girls at SVHS, then one to the Middle School girls, and one to the Middle School boys.

Out of the gate, Donohue discussed the differences between the genders. “Boys have brains like waffles. They have compartmentalized thinking,” explained Donohue. “Girls’ brains are like spaghetti noodles. Everything touches. If I have a boyfriend and choose to have sex in that relationship, what does it affect? EVERYTHING! Guys are like a microwave, and girls are like a crock pot. With a microwave, how long does it take to get hot? Ding, and you’re hot. Boys get excited right away. They get excited by what they see. Girls get excited by what they hear.”

One of the first things Donohue discussed with the middle school girls is the way a girl dresses. She acknowledged that boys can look away from a girl who is dressed immodestly, but a girl needs to be aware of how he thinks and how she can support and honor him as he tries to make wise choices for himself and as he tries to honor her.

Donohue shared statistics to illustrate the risks that teens take when they choose to be sexually active. Teenage boys who are sexually active are 8 times more likely to attempt suicide than boys who are not sexually active. Sexually active girls are 3 times more likely to attempt suicide.

Middle school aged girls who have boyfriends statistically grow farther away from their parents. Teens who become sexually active distance themselves from their God.

“Eighty five percent of teen sex happens under the influence of alcohol or drugs,” Donohue said. “Don’t do it. If you don’t want to have sex before you get married, don’t drink and don’t get high. If you don’t want to have sex before you get married, don’t hang out with friends that drink and get high. If you don’t want to have sex until you get married, don’t hang out with friends who are having sex. You will do what your friends do. It’s just a matter of time. If you don’t like what your friends are doing, choose new friends or change what the group is doing, but get out of there.”

“When I was growing up, there were 2 Sexually Transmitted Diseases,” said Donohue, who is a grandmother. “When your parents were growing up, there were 8. Today there are 28 – 28 diseases that are passed from sexual partner to sexual partner. Four of them are viruses. There is no cure. All 4 viruses start with the letter H – Herpes, HIV, HPV and Hepatitis. Three of these diseases can lead to your death. Herpes is the only one that doesn’t kill you.”

Of all babies born to unwed, teen-aged mothers in 2017, 71% were fathered by a man age 21 or older. “That’s illegal in every state in the nation,” said Donohue. “Many of these girls are growing up without fathers. Maybe Dad never married mom, so she doesn’t get to be with her daddy. Maybe Dad died, so she doesn’t get to be with her daddy. Maybe Dad’s in prison and she doesn’t get to be with her daddy. Or maybe her parents are divorced and she doesn’t get to be with her dad. Maybe Dad is a workaholic, or he’s in the field or he’s always on his laptop, or he’s watching ESPN, but he’s never with her. And now we have a generation of teen age girls who are looking for two things – they are looking for their DADDY LOVE.

Donohue said that it’s common for young girls dating an adult male to be given a cell phone by their boyfriend, which the girl believes is a sign of his love. “I wish it were about love,” lamented Donohue. “I wish it were filled with loving text messages and conversations, but it’s not. He wants to know where you are and who you are with. It’s about power and control of an older man over a younger woman.”

There are rules that accompany association with the opposite sex. It’s important for teens to follow these basic rules.

Donohue told the Middle School girls to be mindful of their use of technology. “When you hang out with boys, you need to honor them, and honor happens on the cell phone too,” cautioned Donohue. “When boys ask you for naked pictures, you tell them no and you go tell the principal. They are dishonoring you when they do that. A boy who asks for a naked picture of you will never take you home to meet his mother. He’ll use you for sex. Don’t do it. He’ll dishonor you. Don’t do it.”

“There are also some relationship rules that you need to follow if you are going to be in healthy relationships,” taught Donohue. “First rule: If you don’t drive, you don’t date. If you are not 16, and you aren’t driving, you should not be hanging out with boys. Second rule: You don’t date anyone more than four years older than you. You don’t date anyone more than 4 years younger than you.”

Donohue continued, “It’s flattering to be asked out by an older boy, but it’s ok to say, ‘Thank you, but no thank you. I’m going to wait until I’m 16.’ You have the rest of your life to date. You don’t need to do it now. You get to choose your actions when you are growing up, but you don’t get to choose the consequences. The consequences of this are HUGE.

“No girl should have a boyfriend in middle school,” Donohue stated emphatically. “Nobody should be kissing and touching and doing any of that stuff. You know why? Cause when girls do, they have sex at a much younger age and have many more partners before marriage. The average number of partners for your generation is six before marriage. When you do the exponential math, it comes to 61 partners that have shared that marriage bed. You are bringing their germs into your marriage someday. That’s another reason why having multiple partners is so, so risky.”

Donohue illustrated the danger that the media often present in advertising products utilizing sexual themes and images. Typically, a teen spends 8.5 hours of every day exposed to some type of media. A high percentage of that exposure is filled with messages that draw youth to a product through sexual appeal. This makes huge amounts of money for vendors. Parents and teens need to be aware and recognize the dangers in this exposure.

“You are not an object to a boy,” stated Donohue. “You are someone to be cherished. Do you see what your culture is doing to you? Do you see what the media is doing to you?”

“Girls, get rid of your smart phone,” stated Donohue. “You need a dumb phone or no phone at all. Too many things can come onto the computer in the palm of their hand. Kids are opening their lives to so many things that you have no business knowing about at your age, and it’s hurting you. You’re seeing things, listening to things, looking at and watching things that are not good for you. Parents, get rid of your kid’s smart phone. Get them a dumb phone if you get them a phone at all.”

“You need to make some decisions now about sexual self-control,” encouraged Donohue. “What am I going to do with a boy? What am I NOT going to do with a boy? When am I going to do those things with a boy? When am I NOT going to do those things with a boy? You have got to set those boundaries with the boys. Guard your kisses. Set your bar high. Write a letter to yourself. Make some promises. What am I going to do when I date? What kind of man do I want to date? What kind of man do I want to marry?”

A study by Michigan State University found that 94% of today’s teenagers want to be married someday.

“Marriage is a good thing, and it will be here before you know it. So, start to prepare,” said Donohue. “Your husband is out there somewhere. You just haven’t met him yet. Start to dream about him. Start to plan for him. Start to wonder. Don’t be afraid to pray for him. What kind of man is he becoming? Is he a good man? Is he a smart man? Is he talented? Is he an athlete? Can he sing? Can he dance? Can he draw? Can he paint? What kind of guy is he? Start to think about him.”

“It takes 30 minutes for teenagers to have sex,” warned Donohue. “In a half an hour, you can be pregnant and parenting. In a half an hour, you can be diseased and dying. In a half an hour, you can be depressed and suicidal. A half an hour can change your life FOREVER. It’s a BIG decision. I don’t want any of that for you.”

Donohue concluded by saying, “I don’t want you to go into your future relationships and your future marriage with a trash can full of broken hearts, baggage, sexually transmitted diseases, and all of that regret. And you don’t have to. You can choose not to do that.”

“You are the apples at the top of the tree. Don’t you dare fall off that tree for anyone,” Donohue pleaded. “You wait to be picked well, and you wait to pick well. Girls, you are special and precious. And if nobody has told you that, I am telling you that. I care about you so much, I want you to delay sexual activity until you get married. There are boys who will wait. There are boys with integrity. Girls, go and have the best sex by waiting until you get married.”